


Depression is not a side

by ShallWeSingInPopSense



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Depression, Other, musings on extra dark sides
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-30
Updated: 2020-08-30
Packaged: 2021-03-06 22:40:05
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 473
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26196523
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShallWeSingInPopSense/pseuds/ShallWeSingInPopSense
Summary: Depression is not a side.It is far too all-encompassing for that.
Comments: 6
Kudos: 14





	Depression is not a side

Depression was not a side. 

It was a force, creeping into the mind space, bubbling up in corners so quietly, that by the time they noticed it, it was already too late. 

Creativity was the first to go. Hours sat twirling a pencil and staring into space, unheeding of where the time went. When Logan had gone to ask him why deadlines had not been made, Roman had just given him a dazed little smile, and promised him that he was working on it. 

After a while, Logan stopped asking. Not because he knew there were no projects forthcoming, but because he too had started to lose track of time, the haze of depression leaving him blurred.

The infestation grew. The host in denial.

But that is not to say that all the sides were suppressed by the fog, no, Virgil was working overtime. Without Logan to reason through his anxieties, and Roman to produce the creativity that the host relied upon for self worth, there were a plethora of worries to be acknowledged, failures to be counted. And worry he did. The fog flowed in and he fought against it, even as his struggles caused the clouds to ooze out of his skin, for him to contribute directly to the thing he hated. They were the antithesis of each other: anxiety a desperate bid for safety in a frightening world, and depression the crushing urge to s t o p.

Remus, unsurprisingly, got louder too. He parroted Virgil's fears of abandonment and failure, but added a smattering of more graphic imagery of the results of those failures. 

It was actually Janus who had kept them functioning till now. Little reassuring lines like 'one day past deadline is fine' and 'it's OK to skip showering for a few days' and ‘It's fine. You are not depressed. **_You have no reason, no excuse to be depressed_ ** '. The lines between truths and lies were blurred by the fog. It is sometimes difficult to realise that the causes of depression may not be something big and ‘worthy of sadness’, but rather the weeping wounds of a thousand tiny cuts.It is difficult to believe it is ok to take self-care days when anxiety is screaming that you are a failure, when your mind is filled with futures of loneliness and death of dreams. 

Depression was not a side. It was a collection of all the things lost. Of apathy and emptiness. Of positive habits abandoned, and with them, self worth draining away. Depression was not a side, because its reach was all encompassing, its control complete.

And the fog rose and boiled over.

As far as each side reached, be they lethargic side or overactive side, they were alone, out of reach from the pieces that made them whole, lost in the fog that was depression. 

**Author's Note:**

> There will be an end sometime. <3 For me it was the life change of starting a new job and gaining some more independence! I wanted to end this on a happy note, but it has been sitting in my WIPs for ages.
> 
> (And i do love the ideas people have had for depression as a side, and am 100% not policing the idea of depression not being a dark side.)


End file.
